73. Rewind: Unlocking Leadership Secrets with Andre Young: Practical Strategies for Effective Communication and Work-Life Harmony

In this rewind episode from 2021, Andre Young shares insightful leadership tools rooted in simplicity and practicality. Discover how to approach difficult conversations with empathy, foster work-life harmony, and unlock the potential in yourself and your team.

Key topics:

• The importance of personal leadership and evolving through hard experiences
• How to effectively give feedback by leading with others’ language
• The preface statement to set expectations and ease tough conversations
• Rethinking work-life balance: Embracing harmony in a connected world
• The power of morning routines and positive consumption for better leadership
• How leaders can protect, influence, and set boundaries compassionately
• The value of curiosity, coaching, and giving employees opportunities 
• Letting go of the fear of losing great team members and encouraging their growth
• Recommended leadership books: The Dream Manager and Never Split the Difference

Timestamps: 

• (01:22) - Andre's leadership journey and early influences
• (04:32) - Transformational year of 2020: lessons learned
• (05:47) - Personal background and evolving into leadership training
• (07:45) - How Andre's passion for leadership developed organically
• (11:12) - Simple yet powerful tools for leadership, starting with personal growth
• (14:31) - Using personalized conversation starters for tough talks
• (17:48) - Setting clear expectations with the preface statement
• (20:59) - Redefining work-life harmony in a digital, connected age
• (23:48) - Morning routines to start the day positively
• (28:52) - Celebrating daily wins and building momentum
• (36:52) - Handling emotions in leadership and maintaining composure
• (44:14) - Challenging negativity and fostering positive feedback
• (52:35) - The importance of valuing team members’ dreams
• (55:05) - Recommended books for new leaders and growth-minded professionals

 Connect with Andre Young: LinkedIn

Let’s keep the conversation going—connect with me on Instagram and LinkedIn, subscribe to my weekly newsletter, or reach out at hello@leadintoit.co. 

Excited to be with you!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to episode 73 of the Lead Into It Podcast. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead Into It. I'm your host, Sarah Greco. Today's episode is another rewind episode, and this one goes way back. This was actually one of my early, early episodes, like recorded in 2021 when we all thought we were already coming out of the pandemic early, which feels wild to think about now. What's funny about this episode though is that it has become one that I share pretty regularly with my coaching clients just because the conversation is so practical and tangible. So today's guest is Andre Young. He's a speaker, author, leadership trainer, and founder of You Evolving Now LLC. And he at the time wrote a book, Seven Ways to Lead, and that's what we were talking about. He's released and done so much more since then. But one of the biggest things that I took away from his book and from this conversation of this podcast was learning how to actually set yourself up for success when giving feedback. Not just that feedback matters, which is something we hear all the time, but how to approach those conversations in a way that makes people much more open to hearing it and helps you communicate much more effectively. So this is something I've continued using and sharing for the last five years. It feels like one of those leadership secrets where people should know more about. And Andre has done a really good job of sharing it, but why keep it a secret? It should be something that everyone knows. I think you'll leave this episode feeling like you have another tool in your toolkit. And I hope that you can take this with you as a leader and also in your everyday life and relationships too. All right, let's get into it. You're listening to episode 32 of the Lead Into a Podcast. I'm Sarah Greco, and I have over 10 years of experience in various roles in industries. During this time, I learned just how crucial leadership is as both an employee and a leader myself. This has led me on a mission to inspire and provide resources for those who have a desire to be a leader in both their career and their lives. The Lead Into a Podcast is designed to help you learn how to be a leader with advice, tools, tips, and inspiration from people with all different types of backgrounds. Let's get started. Andre and I met through LinkedIn, and after chatting for a bit, I ordered his book. And let me tell you, it was like reading answers to questions I'd had for so long. And honestly, this conversation wasn't any different. You will leave this episode feeling inspired and with amazing tools to take with you as a leader or in your day-to-day life. Get a pen and paper or open up the notes tab in your phone because you will want to take notes during this episode. So enjoy. Thanks, Andre, for coming on the show. I'm so excited to have you on Lead Into It. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Oh, I'm doing fantastic. Happy Wednesday. Um, thank you for having me on. And those of you listening, happy whatever day it is for you.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

I know, right? Happy 2021. We are at the beginning of a new year and it feels like a great start to a new year. What up? What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Oh, I'm so excited, so honored for everything that happens. And to be honest, so many people were couldn't wait to get out of 2020. And I don't want to minimize anyone's pain or loss and suffering because there was so much of it. There was so much good that came from it as well. And I live in the positives and manage my negatives. So it really made me cringe when so many people were eager to go into a new year as if a number change on the calendar was going to mean this world of difference.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Right. Well, do you remember at the end of 2019, everyone was like, oh, this next year is gonna be great. It's let's get out of 2019. So when everyone's saying get out of 2020, I'm like, guys, we said that for 2019. Let's let's calm down a minute. I don't want to see what 2021 can hold for us if this is what 2020 did. But I agree with you overall, I think 2020 has mostly been a transformational year for everyone in different ways, shapes, or form. And while there's been struggles, there's also been a lot of blessings. And I'm under the same mentality that uh 2020 was transformational for me personally. And there's so many good things that came out of it. And yes, it was hard, but a lot of the things wouldn't have happened had those hard things not happened.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Oh, absolutely. I believe for me and everyone, we got to add some things to our arsenal that we didn't have before, didn't need before. And now we could take that with us into our life professionally and personally and be more evolved from it. So um, I'm not saying I'm glad it happened. Uh, being willing, you know, and consistent and using it moving forward is such a gift, though.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yes, I completely agree. So, Andre, before we roll into our like official conversation, do you want to give the audience a little bit of a background of who you are and what you do?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Oh, sure. Um who I am and what I do, like who I am is a lot of things. So uh I love that I'm a family man first and foremost. Uh I have four kids and I cannot believe it. I'm divorced and remarried. So I am I have a 21-year-old, an 18-year-old, a 13-year-old, and a one-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Wow, that's quite a range.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

It's a range, and it's so amazing to have people, you know, on different spectrums and uh to be a father again at 44. You just enjoy every phase so much more, and everything is so much more precious. Um, as for you know, and a husband and uh I'm a former athlete. I played at every level and had a great time doing it, even though it wasn't a lot and on a smaller scale as a professional. Uh, I was a mental health therapist for 19 years. And I really thought that I would retire doing that. I loved it and being able to impact people in that way. Um then it evolved, I evolved into um creating organizations that will help people live their best life. And then that transitioned into leadership and work-life harmony. And I'm a professional speaker, author, and leadership trainer. And uh the whole goal is to enhance leadership and work-life harmony for organizations, leaders, employees, and teams.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

That's awesome. And the way that we were introduced was actually through LinkedIn. So, for those who aren't fans of LinkedIn, I'm a huge fan because I have met so many different diverse people through this platform. And I went through a networking event and somebody in the networking event recommended you. And that's how we ended up becoming connected. And I'm so grateful that we were because it introduced me to your book that just came out in December. And it is in complete harmony with my belief in leadership and how it should be. And I hate using the word should, but or could be, according to what your book says, right? So I'm excited to dive into this conversation, learn a little bit more about your leadership methodology, and um just so much more. So thanks again for coming on the show. I do the biggest question I have for you probably is how did you end up with a passion for leadership?

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Oh wow, by complete accident. Uh I often joke, I tell people all the time, I did not mean to become a professional speaker or an author. I didn't want to speak and I didn't want to write at all. I didn't. Um, so my passion came about because you know, I went through a divorce about you know over a decade ago now, well over a decade. And through that experience, I um realized, you know, I did some great things, I did some bad things, but at the core, I was a great person. And I and I realized that a lot of good people didn't have anywhere good to go and anyone good to do it with. So my the essence of leadership really started in my living room with some people that I knew, and then it kept growing, growing, growing from men to women to young people. And I just I really was big on personal leadership, personal growth, relationship building. And at one point, my business was going to die because I was competing with people's busy. So asking them to come back out at night at 7:30 once their butt hit the couch was no was not really realistic. Because if I wasn't the leader of it, I probably wouldn't have come back out, given all of the things that we get to do and have to do in life. So I said, for my business to continue, it has to evolve and it has to be where people are. And where are people? They're at work, they're at school, and they're on their phones. So when I was first doing my business, I just wanted to be a member, take things in, and evolve like everybody else. Um, but then when I started speaking to company executives, they loved the idea of work-life harmony. They loved the idea of their people being better, quote, quote unquote. However, the truth really was, and they didn't say it out loud, but the truth really was they could meet their bottom line without it. And what I realized, they wanted leadership. They wanted their, you know, they wanted leadership skills, they wanted their leaders to enhance and evolve. And I said, oh my goodness, I don't do leadership. And I remember going home and I looked back at all of the videos I had made at that time, the blonds and writings that I had made at that time. And Sarah, I realized that I was already talking about leadership. I just had never said the word. And once I added the word to my writings, to my videos, to my content, uh, it took on a life of its own and just continued to evolve. And I did, and I cringe at people calling me a motivational speaker. I don't like that. If anything, I say, if you have to call me something, call me a motivational teacher. So when I'm talking about leadership and work-life harmony, I can't help but be the passionate about it. That's just how I am and who I am and how I speak. But I also want to give easy to use common sense concepts that people will do. Because if it's not easy and common sense, people aren't going to do it. Right. And from there, it just really took off. And now and I can't imagine doing anything else. I'm so honored and humbled to do it uh for organizations and teams and people.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

It's funny that you talk about leadership being stuff that you'd already talked about, because in my belief, leadership is the basis for almost everything we do. And it's funny how when people are given a leadership title, they are like, oh, I have to change or I have to do something. When in actuality, they should have already been building those skills to begin with in their own personal life or in their career life very early on. And I love that you talk about that and give common sense training and tools because that isn't talked about enough.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

So, what is your favorite common sense tool that you like to give either during these um speeches or to groups of people that you talk to?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Um, well, a couple of things. And I'm glad you asked that. It's such an awesome question. A couple of things come to mind. One is how I define leadership, and I break it out into two parts, and you're so right. As a leader, there's obviously the daily, and that's you know, in my seven ways to lead, it's way four. The daily and consistent things that we must do as leaders to effectively lead a team and get results, you know? So that's a part of leadership. However, most people start there with leadership, and I like starting with personal leadership first. So to answer your question, it's how you, how I, how we choose to show up to our jobs, to our work, to our life, to our relationships in a way that makes people want to follow us because they enjoy and respect how you are and who you are. You know, I often talk about people like employees, they follow what the boss says. But if the boss wasn't the boss and have that title, it'd be a whole different conversation. So do personal leadership first, how we show up, how we keep our head up, eyes up, smile, connecting with people. Um, the other part uh you know of leadership is one, you know, know your craft, do your best, be your best, but also meet the deepest needs of your people and team. We and that starts with being curious enough to know who they are, what they're working with and for you for, what they want to get out of it, and then marrying the organizational goals, the team goals, your vision with their needs. So everybody's winning. We want to create a win-win-win, a win for them, a win for you, a win for the team, a win for the organization. And when we start doing that, and there's a lot of different ways to do that. But the last part of my book is the leader seven. We got to know the seven languages that people speak professionally. Each one of your people have a top one or two. And when you add that in, you are now always leading with their ear, hence their motivation. So those are those are the things that I would say um to really help leadership.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Yes. The part that you talk about in your book with the conversational tools, bravo for writing those down because it makes it so easy. Uh and that's that specifically is what I feel like isn't taught is those conversation starters, those phrasings that you can, of course, adjust for your own personality. But if there's one reason to buy this book, which I realize I didn't uh mention the name of, it's called Seven Ways to Lead, evolve professionally and personally. But if there's one thing to take away from this book, it's you have the tools in order to have these really difficult conversations. But one step further, you adjusted it to kind of be personalized for the type of person you might be leading. And when I say type, that also evolves over time too. Uh, do you want to go into that a little bit? That's such an interesting part of your book and also an interesting part of leadership.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Oh, absolutely. Well, one, that hard conversation. You know, it never ceases to amaze me when I speak with employees. So many, not all, anytime you say every or all, you're wrong, okay? But so many employees think that their boss wakes up wanting to ruin their day. And they truly think that. They think that their boss can't wait to ruin their day, went to bed with them on their mind, um, wants to have these tough conversations. And when I speak with the leaders, most of them don't want to have it. They prefer not to have it, they rather not have it, and either they overcompensate and it's too harsh and robotic, or they undercompensate and barricade themselves in the office and don't have it at all. It's true. So, how do we meet in the middle and do something that we have to be willing to have this tough conversation to lead, or we won't be leading for long, you know, and and that's one of the truest things that I know. So, but always being able to lead with their language. So, uh, as an example, um, somebody is knowledge and advancement. That's one of the languages. They want to know what you know so they can be you one day. Uh, I always start off with the preface statement. As a therapist, 19 years and doing you know, mental health therapy, I've sat down, I've had the honor and privilege to sit down with so many wonderful people, but going through some very traumatic things and sometimes some unsafe situations. But the preface statement sounds like this. Hey, you know, hey Sarah, it's great to have you on board, or I'm glad we're working together. We'd love to know what you want to get out of this. Um, we're gonna have some great successes and we'll be sure to celebrate them. However, with everything, we're gonna have some tough times. And sometimes I might have to say something that'd be hard for you to hear, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't. Is that gonna be okay? And you're gonna nod. Okay, beware of the person that says no. So whether we start it and onboard somebody that way, or we need to reset the reins and we start that uh a new conversation that way, at some point there's gonna be a mistake made. I'm gonna have to have a tough conversation with you. So now it sounds like, hey, Sarah, remember that time when I said that I might have to say something that'd be hard for you to hear? You'll see most people nod their head and it's simply, you ready? And you'll hear people giggle, chuckle, or you'll see them physically or emotionally brace for impact. And then you can leave with their language because I know it. I'm not guessing it and I'm not speaking mine. I'm talking yours because you circled it, you know, and it's hey, you mentioned your language was knowledge and advancement. It's gonna be really hard for you to advance with you coming in late so often. Can you help me to understand what's going on with that? You may say something that blows my doors off that I didn't even know was going on in your life. Or you may say, Look, I'm just sucking at this and you know, my alarm clock, I need to get here, whatever. And we come up with a plan. I thank you for your uh professional maturity. I send an email to protect myself and also say that we had the conversation, and now it's all good. And it allows you as a leader, me as a leader, to put my head on the pillow in peace, knowing I had and maintained a great conversation. How that person manages it and deals with it, that's up to them. But it tends to go much more smoothly when you know their language, when you're leading with their language, and that preface statement makes it go so much smoother.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

The preface statement in general sounds like it should be part of a initial expectations setting meeting too, which is I I don't know if I've had it a few times. The military actually requires it at some point. Like every time you go into a new job, you're supposed to have an initial feedback session so that the your leader or your boss can say, Here are my expectations of you. This is how I work. I've also had a director do with a group with a bunch of new employees, and she's like, Here's the type of leader I am. It was awesome. But I those are only the two most memorable initial feedback settings um I can remember. And with this, in combo with an actual expectation setting meeting, I think can set the tone for so much potential and progress, as well as I think it would actually increase productivity as well. So take away that this whole part of this uh podcast episode because it's so good and so necessary.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Well, thank you so much. And you hit the nail on the head with the word expectations. It sets an expectation that I am a leader. It sets an expectation that you will celebrate successes and be sure to do so and do so in their language. You might want to get uh, you know, incentivize someone that wants knowledge and advancement, or you want to give pats on the back to someone who wants flexibility. So, and you know, we're gonna celebrate, celebrate in their language as much as possible. And then it also sets an expectation that tough times will come. And you, as a leader, we as leaders, will address it accordingly. Because this is not, I'm and and this is not suggesting soft leadership. There's nothing soft about it because there's consequences for not meeting the expectation. But it allows us to be human to human, it allows us to be able to meet the deepest needs of someone else first, it allows us to lead with their language and some empathy. And what we what happens next, we're still willing to do.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Definitely. It's so good. If you leave with one thing from today's episode, it's this. You can stop this episode now. No, I'm just kidding. Please don't. But yes, this is incredibly important and is information we need to continue sending out. I did want to go back to something you brought up earlier, which is work-life harmony. Normally we hear about work-life balance. This is, I think, become a topic of conversation, especially since the pandemic began, because what's happened is a lot of people are working remote and their work-life balance is literally intertwined in probably one room, one building, and it's hard to separate. Do you want to go into uh the definition or your definition of work-life harmony and how that can help everyone kind of along?

SPEAKER_00 20:59

I would love to go into my definition. And also, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to give your listeners a tip that works for me. Yes. And I've seen it work for so many people. Um, work-life harmony. First, I don't like the term work-life balance. One, it can create more stress. Um, trying to find and maintain a perfect balance would be so difficult and stressful. And even if you could obtain it, you can't maintain it. Um, pre-COVID and whatever happens after COVID, as people start, some people start to go back to the office. Work life balance doesn't make any sense. Um, the fact that we all have a cell phone means our relationship, our significant other, our kids, our life is now everywhere, everywhere we are. So this whole notion of go going into work and leaving home at home has been done for years. You know, you got people going to their job while responding to 10 pages worth of hate text from their significant other or dealing with issues from their kids while at work. And then when we go home, it doesn't stop the ringing, dinging, and chiming of the phone, which Work stuff. And the minute you answer it, you've given permission for them to invade on your time. And if you don't answer it, it doesn't wipe away the anxiety of, well, what's going on? What am I walking into? Am I not a team player? And all of those things. And I couldn't have said it better about being at home and working remotely. Um, all of our roles and responsibilities have been meshed into this pot. And people are even more burnt out and stressed out than they probably were when they were at work. Um, because you go right from one task to another, to another, to another with no digestion period of what you just did, no ride home from work to decompress or de-escalate. So I don't believe that we can find this perfect balance. However, we can have harmony in our work life. We can have harmony in our life, in our personal life, and create harmony by enjoying the positives and making time and taking time. And my solution for that for me, and that's in the book, and then I do in my first session of leadership and work and leadership trainings for organizations, is the five points of our day. We all have these five points, and I promise you that it does not take a lot of time. If you really sum it up, it could probably take five, 10 minutes out of your day. And I think we all, if we're too busy to spare five or 10 minutes for ourselves, something is wrong. So the first point is what we consume, not uh food-wise, nutrition-wise, what we consume in our mind and our spirit when we first wake up in the morning. I unfortunately hear so many leaders and employees wake up and they take their laptop and start responding to emails in the bathroom. That's how they start their day. That's a little much. That's a little much. But I keep hearing it. I keep hearing it. And I don't even touch it. I tell people, and I set an expectation, I don't even go into email world until 11 o'clock in the morning. I don't start my day there because it's a black hole of good stuff, but problems and fires. And I'm not starting my day that way. So, what I recommend is find something that feeds your mind, your spirit, your motivation. And for me, I was asked years ago uh by an employee when I was an employee, he said, you know how you have those bad days, those bad mornings? And Sarah, I had to say, I haven't had a bad morning in a very long time, since 2011. Now, I had three kids that went to three different schools at one point and needed three different places. So I've had busy mornings, okay? I've had mornings I'd rather stay asleep, but I haven't had a bad morning in so long because I was waking up and I was posting at that time a quote of the day and then following it up with a question related to that quote. So when I lived and booked in my day with that type of positivity, I didn't realize what it was doing to me, but it it motivated. It was inspiring. You woke up with that type of oomph. So now I do that and I post first thing in the morning. I love listening to short motivational videos, and I even do that with my kids when I'm taking them to school. My one-year-old daughter, when she wakes up, we listen to short motivational videos on YouTube. She doesn't know what she's hearing, but it's getting in there.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

So when I get to wherever I'm going, I've already stepped out the car or hit my office like a freaking boss. And I encourage everybody to do the same. And maybe it's not motivational videos. Maybe you choose to listen to Sarah's podcast. Maybe you choose to listen to mine. Maybe it's uh uh prayer or meditation, whatever it is for you, do it. The second uh point of the day is organizing your day. What are the things that you not only people use the word have to, I like get to, the get to do today, also making sure that your dreaming or vision and the vision factors are on that list too. So when you get to where you're going, organize your day and engage and interact with the positive people. So people go to work and then get with the negative nicks and nancies and grouches. Why start your day that way? Organize your day, which will allow you to win the day. What does winning the day look like? Make a list for it. Make sure your you know your big goals are on that list moving forward, and now you get something great to check off. The third point of our day is what I call relationship building and and uh and self-care. So it's self-care and relationship building. Midday, we all hit a wall. At some point, we all hit a wall. When that happens, do something for self-care. Maybe you're eating lunch with somebody new and positive, maybe you're taking a walk and getting fresh air. Uh, it's a great time to maybe send that text to your wife, your husband, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your mom, your dad, your brother of hey, I was just thinking about you, hope you're having an amazing day, whatever it is, even if they're in the next room or upstairs while you're working. And it it sets the tone for the other relationships that matter, sending you back to your regular life better. And them and them wanting you and inviting you back into it. Uh, the fourth point is how we return home. Or COVID-wise, how we return after we close the laptop. And this is so important because if you are a leader in a position of professional leadership at a job, I know that you don't want your employees coming to work and looking as if they're TGIFing on a Monday.

unknown 27:37

Right?

SPEAKER_00 27:37

You don't want them looking like they'd rather be anywhere else. That is my biggest pet peeve. You check here once every two weeks. Let's look like you want to be here and be motivated. And organizationally, we have to do our part to make sure that, you know, we're helping with that. Um, but the same thing that goes for you. When you return home or return upstairs or back to your world after you close your laptop, can we walk through the door with a smile, head up, eyes up, being positive, looking like and being curious about other people, like the way you want your employees walking around the office. Can we look like that walking home? Because we tend to burn out or bore out our significant others, the people we say we love most, so and taking it out on our kids as soon as we walk through the door. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. Lastly, and this is one of the most powerful questions, the most powerful questions that I think exists in the world. Closing out your day, and I do it five days a week. I give myself the weekend off. You could do it seven days a week. Before you go to bed, you ask yourself, what was my biggest accomplishment of the day? I like that. Having an answer to that question allows you to have won the day, beat the day, led the day instead of the day beating you. And it gives you that vigor because winning becomes addictive too. Oh, this is what I really did today. This is what stood out the most. Maybe you even asked your kids, your significant other, because they have an answer. And I'm sure nobody's asked them. And then you get to wake up and do it again. I wake up every day saying, Let's be great and have some fun today. Come on. I say it to my kids, I say it to my wife, and now it's the joke. Hey, be great, let's be great today and have some fun. And that starts to become, and it's not what it does to you when you first do it. It's what happens when it compounds over days, weeks, months, years, decades. It starts just to become who you are. And that, and that right there, if you take anything from today, the leader seven is great, but the five points of your day will evolve you professionally and personally when you do it consistently, not just when you're motivated on a Monday.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

It's I swear it's the mornings of Wednesdays and Thursdays that I'm like, okay, I'm gonna push through this and then I'm gonna get to do all these things. But waking up, I will say, is one of the hardest things, usually in the middle of the week. But like having a morning routine, like what she said, that works for you instead of you pushing against it really makes a difference.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Oh, yeah. I I have a video that I enjoy. I feel like I do I listen to a lot of different things and obviously post a lot in the morning, but there's one specific video, and I'll have to share it with you. Maybe you can put a link into it. Uh, but it gets me every time. And I said if if there's one thing that I would post every single day, like I it it it it just gets me. And I I don't need it, but oh my goodness, it just is the cherry on top of starting the day.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

I the one thing that has made a difference in my morning was removing the news.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Like I and I I will say I scroll through Instagram, but it's mostly my friend stuff. But removing the news completely changed my whole morning. And it's just because the news is so negative. It's so negative. Why do we have to absorb all that negativity when you can look for things to bring the positive? I listen to podcasts. Um, I love seeing what motivational people and inspirational people post on Instagram. So just taking that, and then you're like, yeah, I got this. Let's go through the rest of my day.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Sarah, I'm so glad you said that because we all have our phones and we all scroll. What we scroll will help you be the leader of your life, professionally or personally, or not. Um, I remember being an employee and I remember walking into um a lunchroom, and there were about six or seven individuals shoulder to shoulder, not speaking, and they were sitting there scrolling on their phones for about a half hour straight. I I looked as I was having lunch, and I looked at, you know, asked what people were doing, and they were doing their candy crush and words with friends and all of these things. And I there's there's nothing wrong with that. You know, it's it's entertaining, it's a break. You know, I get that. And I'm not suggesting that that's the wrong thing to do. However, there's a difference, and when you become selective of who you are scrolling, who you subscribe to in YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, I only subscribe to something that makes me feel positive, enlightened, um, lucky to have watched it or saw it, uh, motivated, uh, and and building, building um in my phone. So when you see me scrolling, I'm growing and evolving and being a leader. And too many times that's not the case. And there's time and place to decompress and and to um to be entertained. But I feel like we have become a society addicted to being entertained instead of growing and evolving. And the news, you're absolutely right. As a kid, I stopped watching the news because it became very apparent as my parents watched it. Um, especially the first 10 to 15 minutes, it is awful and scary and depressing.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Especially now.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Yeah, I said, Oh, this isn't, I I don't need to, I don't need to know this. And whatever I really do need to know would come on an emergency broadcast and let me know.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Yep, definitely. It's or you're actually looking for it and you come upon it versus you being forced to digest it, which I think is a major difference. If you happen upon it through your own research and your the own necessity, because I know there's people in communications and other careers that they have to consume media, but when it's your choice versus it being thrown at you, I think it makes a major difference. Um also I wanted to go back to something you said. It was about your morning routine and you were asked about a bad morning. I think it's interesting how you said there's a difference between use the word bad versus busy. And I think people combine them into one. Where it's if they have a busy morning, it's equ it equates to a bad morning. And that's not always the case, it's how you perceive it.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Yes. And and also then how you talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Leaders talk about what they get to do and the positives of what happened, even when it wasn't ideal, um, compared to I I changed my verbiage years ago. When I first started running um, you know, a men's forum, that's how my business started. It was called Men Evolving Now and then it evolved because women wanted it, youth wanted it, organizations. Uh, but I mistakenly started asking the question to start it off with hey, how's things been going over the past month? We asked questions, hey, how you doing, or what's going on? And the immediate response from people is, well, it's too rainy, it's too hot, it's too snowy, it's too this, it's too that. And you open up the floodgates for complaints. And if you listen long enough, they'll start complaining about their job. And if you listen even longer, they'll get to their relationship. And I said, Oh my goodness, this is not what I wanted, and and and had to evolve it. So now, you know, when I meet people, hey, what's been good since I saw you last? Or, you know, well, what do you have going on? And it allows for that positivity response. And then after a while, people know you're gonna ask it, they're prepared to answer it. Or the negative Nixon Nancy's stopped coming your way.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Yes, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

Inundated with the complaints. I I won't do that to other people. Um, and there's only one person in my life that I give that to, and that's my mom. She has failing health. Um, she needs to talk about her symptoms because that's what she's living right now, and that's what makes her feel better. So she gets the mom pass, and I let her vent, you know, four days a week, half hour straight, just go.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

That's such a good point. Um, and kind of relation to that, how do you not let other emotions, other people's emotions and reactions affect how you approach your day? So, for instance, as a leader, you do have to keep a presence that you're happy with. So whether it's authoritative, calm, happy, go lucky, whatever you pick as a leader, um, you have to keep that presence pretty consistent as needed throughout the day. So as other people reach out to you and uh possibly inundate you with their own problems, their own challenges, how do you keep the original methodology you're trying to keep throughout the day?

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Uh, I love your question. And that is the first time I've been asked that question. And I have a few different answers for you. Okay. Um, number one is first recognizing that there's value in other feelings other than happy. Most people want to be happy. Uh, I say joyful is a better word because happiness is, you know, is fleeting. But when somebody's angry or hurt or frustrated, depressed, angry, there's value in that. And as a leader, if someone's bringing this to me, um, one, I want to be very mindful that something that I have done as a leader or the organization or the team has done or hasn't done is not causing that. So that the first thing I'm hearing what you're saying, I want to hear what you're right about. Outside of the feeling, what are you right about? Because if what you're right about is something that I did or didn't do, I need to check that and apologize for it. Okay. Doesn't mean that you can continue this emotion at this high level. But at first, I want to hear what you're saying. What are you right about? Do I need to apologize for it? And then let's come up with a plan to talk about it. And maybe it's right now, or maybe I or you need to decompress and we can schedule a meeting and talk about it. Um, number two, I would really look at points of view. So I've been a leader, I've been, you know, uh an employee, and in both respects, people have come to me with a complaint. Um and my thing is to first listen, and I'm hearing what you're saying, because if I start trying to talk while you're talking, then you're not gonna hear me when it's my time to talk anyway. So I want to hear what you have to say, and then I want to be able to not be a bobblehead. I don't want to bobblehead you and tell you how right you are. That's in my book, Seven Ways to Love. And too many people will bobblehead that person, tell them how right they are so they can righteously go back and mess up their life professionally and personally. Um, so I hear what you're saying. Have you thought about what it must be like for that other person or the other side? I want to share that knowledge. Uh, an example. When I was an employee, I had a uh another coworker come to me and start complaining about what the boss had just said or instituted. My response, because I at the time I was an employee, I also had 12 staff. There's a there there's a time where you're doing your side thing full time while you're an employee before you can walk away and do your thing full time. So I I bit on, I was on both sides. And he made this complaint, and I said, I hear what you're saying. I wonder how hard it was for so-and-so, the leader, to give that information because he might not even agree with it and has to deliver it with a smile. And that coworker looked at me, nodded his head, and I then excused myself. So part three is you don't have to live in somebody else's dysfunction or negativity. I heard it, I've showed you another side, I'm willing to apologize and set a plan here or now moving forward. And after that, well, excuse me for a second, I have to go handle that over there, or I gotta go get something from the or do something over there. And you excuse yourself. And I walked away so that can resonate with them, and they don't need to know where you're going or why you're going, but I excuse myself. And then it's interesting to see what happens after. Do they go to person to person to person afterwards, seeking that bobblehead because you didn't give them what fulfilled them? Do they alter their behavior? Do they do something positive? And now I've and now it's seeing who they really are. So that would be my answer. Like one, I want to understand. Uh, two, I want to share a different point of view. I don't I want to be mindful not to bobblehead you. And lastly, it's really setting an expectation of um of positivity building. And my biggest thing, my biggest rule in my leader's three, I believe you need to have a vision and vision factors, expectations, and rules. And one of my rules as a leader is please accompany your problem with a suggested solution. So when someone's angry, bitter, frustrated, whatever it is about something, and they bring it to you as a leader, when you have set expectations and rules that they can accompany their problem with a suggested solution, it means that you don't have to become emotional and be a fixer of everything. You leaders build other leaders. So, what's your solution about your problem? I don't want to listen to your problem if you don't accompany with a solution. Now, one of three things are going to happen regarding your solution. One, we can go with it. You said something that blew my doors off that I hadn't thought of. Great, a win. Maybe we collaborate and I help to fine-tune your solution because now it more appropriately fits the bigger picture. Lastly, maybe we can't go with your solution. And I promise to tell you why. Here's the bigger picture. Now, can you fit your idea, your solution, inside the now bigger picture that you're aware of? And they could do that away from you, allowing them time to become a leader, think about it, and then bring it back. That's a good one. So, what's my big answer to that to your question?

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Those that was such great information and different perspectives to bring because a lot of times when it comes to conversations, sometimes you feel stuck in it. You're like, I don't really agree, but I'm just gonna hang out here because I'm not sure what to do. And honestly, I can't even imagine what it's like through this virtual world that we're living in now because this is mostly water cooler talk. Um, so I'm assuming this is happening on Slack channels or through text or Facebook messaging, or I don't even know what other technology exists. There's tons. But I guess you can apply all of this to the virtual settings that we're kind of established in right now. Um, but it's definitely interesting as we move back to a more person-to-person setting to apply this in these conversations that we have.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

Sarah is so important because as people start going back to work, whenever that is, and some cut some companies and some states are already doing it. Um it's going to be a challenge that we've never seen before. Um, I often joke, I say, look, Frank from down the hallway from nine months ago isn't the same Frank from down the hallway from last March. You know, um, maybe maybe that person or maybe these people no longer want to be in that physical space and have a lot to complain about. Maybe they got used to their Zoom attire and are upset again. Yes. I believe that people have no idea or remember how busy we actually were when we were commuting and doing this and then carting the kids around and then their sports. So jumping back into that life. Lifestyle. And then some people don't get to see their kids. They they enjoyed being at home. Uh, then you've also companies have hired people that they've never physically met or shaken hands with. Yeah. So there's so many things. And the the biggest thing of what I just the question I just answered is we can't be a bobblehead. We have to be willing to have these tough conversations and challenge people because I don't enjoy negative complaining. It's so toxic to me. I feel it drain my energy and I will not allow it. I'll do it positively, but I don't allow it. And I encourage you guys listening to challenge and share a different perspective. And even if that's in your personal life and relationship, we all have our issues with our significant other or our kids. And when somebody, your friend, can say, Well, have you thought about it from their perspective? Like they're not the devil just bursting out of the underbelly of society to ruin your day. They had a reason why they said what they said and did what they did. You might not like it or agree, but they had a reason. What was it?

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Have you ever asked that question where it's like, well, what was your reason for doing this? And how was the response? Is this something that you've incorporated into your conversation and you've noticed a big difference in how you respond after that?

SPEAKER_00 45:14

Um, typically I'm always like if it's me in my personal life, uh, I've done a great job of collapsing my time frame of frustration. So, for instance, I'll do professional and personal and personal. If my wife says something to me or about me that I didn't enjoy, you know, I I just do my best to find validity as quickly as possible. You know, I love this woman. Why would she say what she said? There must be something that I'm not doing or giving that she's unhappy with. Now, what she wants, if it's reasonable, doable, and fair for who I am and what I'm willing to give, I need to start doing it a little bit outside my comfort zone. And I would, you know, I over the years I've gotten way better at it. I've collapsed those time frames. And now it's a win-win. What does she want? What does she need? How much am I willing to give so I'm not bitter and frustrated doing it, you know? And then now we have an agreement with that. Professionally, when people are upset, I feel like a lot of times it comes from an attitude and the bully word of deserve.

unknown 46:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

And people feel they deserve, whether it's the raise or being on that committee or uh having more time or flexibility, and they're comparing themselves to another individual. So one of the things that I teach in my Robin Lee uh training program for organizations, one of the things is a leader's response. And a leader's response addresses this so leaders are not getting bullied by their people at work. And it sounds like, hey, I appreciate you coming to me with this question and your feelings because we want our people to be able to do that. Uh, I'd rather you ask me, how do you get that raise? How do you get on that committee? How can you get a more flexible schedule and bring to me a solution instead of what you feel like you deserve in comparing yourself to someone else because you don't know, you may not know all of the things that other person is doing on the back end. So that's what we're really looking for from you and our employees here. And if you're willing to talk about that further, we could schedule a meeting to do so. That's it. Now, you could schedule a meeting. How about Tuesday at three o'clock? Now, if they show up at Tuesday at three o'clock, it tells you a lot about them. If they don't, it tells you a lot about them. And that priority response, it's one of the factors of leadership and it's called protection. We got to be able to influence, impact, decide, protect, and set expectations. And protection, we fall very short on that sometimes. And sometimes we have to protect people from themselves. Okay. So that employee that would barge in or barge in and say something the way I said that they said it, sometimes we have to protect them from themselves. And that priority response and boundaries and expectations and rules do that. Okay. Sometimes then we have to protect them from us. Because when someone meets you like that and you're having a bad day, or you're hangry, or maybe you were just on the bathroom and got a pee, and then you blurt something out to them that was unleader-like, now you validated them being angry, and now they now they have something, another brick in their carriage to be angry at. Yeah. And that's your fault. That's our fault as a leader. And then we have to, we then we also have to protect them from being becoming burnt out or bored out. Because what this person is saying is, I want more to do. I'm ready for more. Now, whether they have the ability, we don't know that yet. But I'll take somebody who wants more and wants to do more and be more than somebody who doesn't. I'll take that. We just got to refine how you approach it.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

Sounds like a combo of a mentoring, coaching, and leader, as well as a personal touch on all of that kind of approach.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Absolutely. Leaders, leaders are coaches. And one of the ingredients that go into being a leader, you say, Loves one when people have work ethic uh and they have talent, um, regardless of where that is, it's our job. It's our job to start off. See, the old way of looking at it is if people had your desired work ethic and talent, then you would coach them and then provide opportunities and then give them the power to do the thing that you hired them to do. I want to come at it differently. Let's give, as a leader, let's give great coaching. And whether that's the one-on-one meetings with your people, that's, and that one-on-one meeting is the meeting that typically gets canceled and rescheduled the most in every organization. We have to stop that. And I have a format of how to have an effective, meaningful, and evolved one-on-one meeting that doesn't take a lot of time. But we got to start with giving great coaching, and that may be by your one-on-ones, trainings and everything. Then we want to be able to give opportunities. There's too many employees that don't know where else to go in the company to move up, right? If at all. And sometimes it doesn't mean a move up. Sometimes it doesn't mean a raise. It could be a different response, but whatever it is, give them opportunities. And it's amazing when you give great coaching, when you provide opportunities, and you can start giving some power and not micromanage. It's amazing what then happens in turn to their work ethic and their talent.

SPEAKER_01 50:25

Yes, it's so true. I wanted to uh mention, I highlighted this in your book. And I was like, this is it. This is 100% leadership. It you said, if you are bringing in great people, pay them back with great leadership. Being curious enough to know what they would like out of the experience, being willing to speak their language and helping them to be of impact. That is leadership in a short sentence. And everything that you're talking about brings out good people. It brings out good employees, it brings out good future leaders, it brings out great influencers of your team, your company. It does all of that. And it's amazing how much leadership can impact all of it.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

Wow. Well, thank you. It's so nice to hear the words from the book. It's like, hey, I'm going good. Uh well, one thing I do have to warn leaders about, though. Um, when you do this type of leadership, you we are going to have to rid ourselves of the fear of losing great people.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

As your leader.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

And even describe how much I love that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

Because I I do my philosophy is when I do leadership training for an organization, I want to book a new organization, not only working with C-suite and middle management, but also frontline employees as well. Let everyone get better at leadership and work-life harmony. Now, the we have to rid ourselves of the fear because as everybody gets better, people are going to want more. Maybe, you know, not everybody wants to raise or or a different promotion, but some will. And now, because you have so many great people, there's not enough spots to reward them all. It may not be enough money, you know, to reward them all. They're going to start going other places. And that's going to be okay because it sets a gold standard for your organization. When people see they keep getting people from this place, this place must be doing something great. And then now this is such a great place to work. Other people, the right people, now want to work there. And you knowing what do you want to get out of working here? The fact that they leave should never be a shock. It shouldn't be a shock. Um, I did some work for an organization and they flew in all of their global leaders. The vice president of the organization introduced a woman named Mary to me right before I spoke. And she said, This is Mary. You know, we're so happy for her and we're sad at the same time because she's going to be leaving us. She's going to open up her own bakery. She's been bringing in, you know, goodies. We've been taste testing for her. We're so happy. And I almost passed off because I'm like, what company? What vortex of mine? And this is so great and so rare. And it wasn't a shock that she left because they were curious about her. They let her have a dream that lived outside of their organization. She still did a great job. They're curious enough to know her dream, support her dream, even though it didn't directly benefit them.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

And they let her be a whole person.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

They let her be a whole person. When I got my last job as an employee, I walked in saying in the interview, hey, uh I need a job. My wife wants to build a house. Um, you know, I'm I'm an author, I'm, you know, I'm a professional speaker. Um, but right now I need a job because my I don't have building uh new house money right now. You know, but I promise I'll be the best worker because I have staff. And I how dare I not give to you what I would want them to give to me. And because I shared my dream, and I think we created a win-win. They hired me, and I was a good employee and things like that, but I didn't feel like I had to hide anything. And it also paid it back when they asked me about it. Hey, how's that going? It gave me such joy to talk about my dream at work. And I didn't want to seem like a fool and still be there two years later or whatever it is, not having fulfilled it. So be curious about your people, build your people up, be okay with losing great people as long as it's not because of something you did. It's because they need more that right now you may not be able to give, give glowing endorsements, and now your your business, your organization becomes a gold standard on resumes, and that is a win that's priceless.

SPEAKER_01 54:40

Completely agree. Okay, so we're gonna close on one final question, and that is what is a book that you would recommend to new leaders new in their journey, whether personally or professionally?

SPEAKER_00 54:59

Wow. Um so many.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

This is always a hard question.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

Yeah, like I read all the time. So um a couple books come to mind. Number one is The Dream Manager. Uh I really like that. Um, when I first started wanting to work with companies, I sat down with with a gentleman and he said, you know, this is something we're looking for for our company. And the idea of hiring somebody to come in and think about how to take care of your people in the best way, professionally and personally, was just amazing. Uh, so whether you do it or not, just reading that book will change how you look at leadership and you know in your company. So the dream manager number one. Um, another great book that I liked was uh Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. I I really enjoyed that. And it's not so much always for business, rather in negotiations. And it really talks about how you know, if you're doing business, you're always negotiating. You're negotiating with your people, your staff, your clients, your customers, the world. You know, uh people say, Well, I'd love to do what you you know you do. And they think, you know, okay, all I do is speak and um uh you know and and write. And I love doing that stuff. Most of my day is negotiating, though. Negotiating deals.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

Yeah, I'm halfway through the book and it's so interesting. Uh, highly recommend it too. And I'm looking forward to getting to the end of it. But yes, it's I think it's also conversational skills too, like interesting conversational skills.

SPEAKER_00 56:41

Yes. And whether you're an employee or frontline, knowing how to have these conversations with your bosses or you know, and then as you get promoted, how to have these conversations. And as a leader, like I I really, really enjoyed that book. And I always walk away with like two or three nuggets from books that just are you know priceless for me to take in life. Um trying to think of one more.

SPEAKER_01 57:03

Um, obviously yours, but I'll recommend that. No, unless you want to humble brag on yourself. So then we'll add on another one.

SPEAKER_00 57:13

There we go. I wasn't gonna say it, so there you go. I love I really do. I still um, you know, I the the book is I've I've written the book, so I've had it in my life for a long time, but um, I I still read a chapter because I like short chapters. I don't like fluffing, I like getting right into it. So I still read a chapter a day and randomly, and it's just I love, I love that I still love it.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

I it was very it's first it's very easy to read, it's very digestible, but my favorite part is it gives you tangible tools to take with you. And I think when it comes to learning about leadership, there's a lot of theory, a lot of methodology. But what's missing, and we kind of spoke on this a little bit earlier, is having those direct conversations. What language do you use? How do you approach it? How do you make sure you're set up for success and provided the tools in which you need it? And um, it's just really good information. Again, highly recommended. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Um, I'll put a link to it in the show notes so you can easily grab it on Amazon, which is what I did. And yeah, Andre, thank you so much for coming on the show. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And I just really enjoyed talking with you.

SPEAKER_00 58:28

Wow, it's a pleasure. Thanks, Sarah, so much. And thank you guys for letting me and us steal some time from you today. It's a pleasure. Enjoy your day. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Thanks for listening to another episode of Lead Into It. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean a lot to me if you would leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help future listeners. If you want to learn more about the podcast or me, go to leadintoit.co, that's leadintoit.co. Thanks again.